My Life- A Stroll in the Morning Sun

Right after I'm done floating in philosophical thoughts I prefer to get along with my day and take a stroll in the morning sun. Thoughts, opinions and views of many aspects of my life and the world around me arouse in my mind and explode worse than a gush of water through a dam. I just kept wondering, "why hold on?; why do people get so emotionally attached to those who don't deserve it?; and why mourn the loss of such a person?". Of course, I can't blame the world alone; it includes even me. Yes, i admit this weakness of mine all in the open; free to be viewed by one and all but hopefully manipulated by none. I absolutely despise myself for this terrible attribute. And just as I think this I see the sun shining proudly above me; caring about none; mercilessly shimmering down its burning heat. I wondered, "why can't i ever be such?", u know, the state of mind where I care about nothing in this world and just go around with my business. I try motivating myself; talking to myself, but why don't I just ever put it into practice?! Why do I always so selflessly let these devils "DEMOLISH" my self-respect, "THRASH" my feelings, "KILL" my aspirations; and I do nothing but sit with a halo over my head waiting to be the victim of another person's crude entertainment and utilisation.

This is no joke, but these theories actually keep hovering around in my mind every single second of my morning walk. And I try covering these up by thinking of how beautiful my life "appears" to be; how i celebrate life more than a holy saint on some pilgrimage. I always keep promising myself to never be submissive, never accept defeat, never feel inferior in a relationship, never behave lost, never behave frantic to establish a better bond. But alas! I wish it were so easy to change myself. I preach truths to others; tell them right and wrong; but why can't I seem to follow them myself? Then I break through the shackles of these absolutely boring and negative thoughts and wonder if other people feel the same about me as what I feel about the person I'm thinking about right now and writing this text. People utter absolutely shameless statements where they selfishly think of getting rid of their problems for good without even thinking about those wonderful people to whom they mean the world. They fail to understand that loving is not the only emotion in life but also being loved. To be loved is a gift in this materialistic and wretched world. If not stay in this world for yourself, at least live on for the ones who love you. The confidence that you may then have is that they will never, even by mistake, hurt you. A person whom you love may not love you back and so will hurt you, but a person who loves you will dare not do anything such and will always keep you happy. So then, with this enthusiasm to meet the people whom i love and who fortunately love me back, I end my morning tread with a smile all the way till my ears. 

My Life-Prelude

Oh my god! Where do i even start about my weird, twisted, gambled, puzzling yet gifted and fun-filled life? I wake up every morning feeling like it's just another day of mindless being, a day to feel possessed, sucked into the vortex of being carried away by life; just by an emotionless gallop of the mind and heart. A time to feel celebrated, a time to feel special, but why does my mind still yearn for a perfect living? Why have i become so hopelessly dependent on someone or something for the sake of my life, for my everyday deeds, for my well being, for my peace of mind? Y do i feel so lonely every morning that even the slightest amount of light or sound disturbs me? I feel intrigued by how i can actually want so much in my little life? It's not like i haven't had infamous incidents in the incomplete and indefinite pages of my life. Every morning i pray to overturn a new leaf. I want to breathe in refreshing, soothing and pure air; an air of happiness, an air of self-dependence, an air of being content. My writings are obviously very small and insignificant to the reading world. But no one can ever understand or imagine the amount of feelings i have accumulated into this little text of my short, yet eventful life.
This atmosphere of pressure, this thick fog of emotion; i cant live or see through any of them. They shield me over, powerfully in a vice grip; a strong with-holding stand, unbeatable by my mind solely. This is where the precious jewels of my life blaze their way, showing off their importance in my time on earth. They are what keep me alive. My inspiration, my aspiration to live. Allowing my heart to beat soundly after all this torture; feel loved and deserving of someone else's love. They are what we call friends and family. They come wherever one sees tragedy, trouble, drama, trauma, pain, discomfort, unpleasant times, unfortunate events. They are the ones capable of sending all these hardships back to the ones from whom it came from. Send them away and strongly stand in the way until you feel nourished enough to stand on your own feet and feel you are ready and you want to risk facing all those terrors again. This life becomes full of surprises and awe because of these gems, priceless necessities. It's because of the presence of these valuables do i get up peacefully every morning; have been getting up peacefully every morning. The confidence that nothing can ever form a barrier before me without going through a fight gives immense happiness and enthusiasm to live every next day like it were in heaven. Carefree and leisurely i trod along, not having to check every corner for signs of trouble.